


A Calming Arithmetic

by bachtoreality



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 09:17:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20374387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bachtoreality/pseuds/bachtoreality
Summary: They're both angry kids, but eventually they figure it out. He Tian and Mo finally confessing.





	A Calming Arithmetic

Light fell through slotted blinds, spilling on a bare torso and into black eyes that watched the sun rise over sprawling architecture. In this massive city, in this massive apartment, he was truly alone. A day ago the apartment had been filled with noise, the smells of cooking. But today there was only the light hum of his air conditioner. The stale odor of his ash tray. Not the soft tufts of shorn red hair tickling his face as he woke in the morning. 

In this room, there was only his pathetic need to keep him company.

  
The need to grab attention from the one person who denied it. 

To capture the only thing that did not willingly gravitate to him. 

A foreign body, floating in space. Opposite his natural pull. 

It killed him, but kept him interested, to know that Mo was not going to afford him affection easily. It takes weeks of pining, of finding any reason for him to come over and stay the night before there is a development. 

Once again Mo cooks him dinner, once again He Tian spends the entire time groping him. Using enough contact to upset the other man, but not enough to scare him off. Eventually he takes to nuzzling his ears. It's when he does this and grazes sharp teeth against the metal of a black earring- one that He Tian had custom made for him- does he get a surprising moan out of Mo. Something keening, not angry. It made the two of them pause. And then in a flurry of motion the red head is out from under him. His cheeks are red. His eyes wide with shock.

It has He Tian tense with excitement, a need to push further. 

But the look on Mo's face tells him to stop. 

And so he does. 

That doesn't keep him from fucking his hand on repeat that night onward, imagining what other sounds he can tease out if he just could.  
He Tian would love to say that the first time they fuck was because he was an absolute Casanova of flirtation and wit. That he caused Mo to push aside all reservations and swoon into his waiting arms. Instead it's a messy affair. 

They're drunk and Mo is not pushing him away. Instead he's resting his head against He Tian's shoulder with his eyes closed. 

"Mm. I wish you could be like this all the time." Mo says, his lips stumbling over the words.

"How is that?"

"Still, within my reach. Not always... Surrounded."

"I'm always right here." He tries to say it with sounding bitter, but the months of sexual frustration is eking out.

"It's just hard."

"What's hard?"

"Seeing people all over you all the time."

He Tian smiles. A pathetic, self serving smile. 

"It's not even like I like you."

The smile is gone, replaced by a confused irritated look.

"That's not fair, I like you."

"I don't believe it."

"Why not? Need proof?"

It was meant to be a tease, not an invitation for Mo to grab his dick in angry defiance.

"You! You're always talking big- playing gay chicken and what do you have to show for it?!"

A hard dick was obviously the answer that Mo was not looking for.

"What the fuck..."

He Tian looks him in the eye. Shrugs like a fucking idiot.

It's a comical scene. Mo lets go, his hands raised in exasperation. 

"You know generally if a person likes a person they will say it instead of spending a majority of their time physically, mentally, and emotionally terrorizing them."

"Guess I just wasn't raised right." He Tian smirks, cocky.

"You still haven't said it."

"I shouldn't have to, right?"

"See, that's what upsets me. Why do I have to be the one to realize it, unpack it. It's why it wouldn't work."

"What's that?"

"Us, this won't work. You're incapable of emotional vulnerability. You just joke and do these grand gestures, but you just..." Mo's eyes are looking away. Confused. Not his usual fire and vitriol, but an actual cloudiness of uncertainty. 

"Mo... I..."

"I don't want to hear it. I think we're done here." Mo's eyes are finally back on He Tian's, but they're furious. He doesn't stop him as the red head storms out of his apartment. 

Instead he sits, alone. Stunned in silence.

If he had a reason for not confessing, it was simple. He never even considered Mo would entertain the idea of them together. That he could get by playing games of grab ass. That one day Mo and him would drift apart he'd have the occasional jerk off thinking about a mouthy red head. 

He thought if he had confessed there would be dire consequences, not that there would be consequences for the opposite.

He has a plan.

Mo cannot sleep. He wakes up pissed off. He dresses begrudgingly. He leaves his apartment livid. 

His mother remarks as he leaves and she gets ready for work that if he were to frown any harder his handsome face would get stuck that.

Let it, he thinks, I'll be pissed for the rest of my life anyways.

He's raging as he takes the train to school, pointedly avoiding Jian Yi and Zheng Xi. At one point Jian Yi stares directly at him, desperate to get his attention.

Instead he spends the entire trip viciously inspecting the train door.

He runs out the second the train pulls into his station. Ignoring shouts from behind him. 

Sure Zheng Xi will pull him aside at some later interval, give him a talking to of some kind about how distraught Jian Yi gets when he refuses to act like a friend. But fuck it, he's got an ax to grind and he can't deal with the stupid couple while he's like this. 

Definitely not because he's jealous of the two of them. 

Sure.

When he sees the school gate he decides he's taking a sick day. 

He Tian is standing there, fucking waiting with a bouquet and a badly painted sign proclaiming something lewd.

He leaves for his house. But not before he knocks the fucking sign out of He Tian's hands and throws the flowers over the fence. Normally he would be overpowered in a second, caught with fast hands. Instead he storms off, unmolested. Leaving a stoic frowning He Tian behind.

When he gets home his mother is gone. 

She won't be back until midnight. He locks all the doors in the apartment and hides in his bedroom. 

His phone which had been blowing up with texts and calls is discarded on the living room table. He is exhausted, beyond tired. It isn't long after he puts the blanket over his eyes that he falls asleep.

He wakes up to loud knocking at his bedroom door. 

"Mom, I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling good so I left school. I'll go back tomorrow."

"Well that's nice to hear." A male voice answers.

"What the fuck-" 

The door opens to reveal a buff man with white hair, a few tattoos can be seen from under his black fitted shirt.

"He Tian has business with you. Jian Yi hitched a fit, wouldn't train unless I got the two of you in one room."

"Yeah, and you're taking orders from an eighteen year old now?"

"I could kick your ass across the block or you can come with me and talk to your boyfriend."

"We're not-"

"I couldn't give a fuck what you are or not, kid."

The motorcycle ride over a terror inducing hell race. There is a lot of bobbing and weaving in haphazard, probably illegal ways. 

Eventually they stop in front of a familiar high rise. 

"Don't expect a ride home, kid." Is all he is left with before the other man is screeching down the road. 

He takes his time getting up to the apartment, attempts to open his phone on the elevator only to realize it's dead.

Great.

He kicks the door. Waits a moment before he kicks again, this time his leg is grabbed and he is pulled inside. Two strong, lean arms are caging him in. Lips are covering his own, moving tenderly.

He turns his head to avoid the kiss. Glares in the other direction. 

"What do I need to do." He Tian's head is knocking up against his own, foreheads bumping up.

"You know what you need to do." Is all Mo gives him before he is pushing him away. It would be a lie if looking at him, hearing the strain of his voice didn't stir something inside him. 

"I really don't." I'm afraid is what he means.

Mo just stares at him. Not angry, just tired.

That scares him the most.

"I..." He starts. 

"The worst part is that I know I wasn't the first to start, the first to feel it. But you're trying to get me to get my hands dirty so if shit goes sideways it's my fault. If we get drawn apart it will be because it was my bad idea to begin with. You're such a fucking coward. I can't believe that I... To you... It's fucking annoying." Mo has his head in his hands. He's making tired circles of his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I didn't want to ruin a good thing."

"Well, too late for that." He's smacking his knees dramatically as he pulls himself up from the couch.

"Don't fucking say that." He Tian's eyes are on the floor. In any other situation he would be forceful, would make Mo go to his knees and beg for forgiveness for being so glib.

"What, you're not going to do anything about it." The sneer is ugly, said through gritted teeth.

"Fine. I've been thinking about you nonstop. I can't sleep at night without hearing your voice, making sure you're okay. I don't even care if you scream, fight whatever I just need to know. It fucking kills me when I can't figure out how to protect you. My brain is a fucking mess, no matter what I'm doing... Where I am, who I'm with."

"Yeah, who would that be?" Of course he only pays attention to the one part that doesn't matter.

"Why does it fucking matter?" You'll never love me. "It's none of your business."

Mo glares at him but stays put like he expects more.

"I... need you here with me. At least until I can guarantee you're safe."

"I feel like the only thing putting me in danger is you." He says it with a soft voice. Almost to himself. But it is meant to hurt.

And it does. He Tian is silent, his back to the wall. It's taking everything within him not to just start letting his aggression out around him. He doesn't want Mo to think of him like that. Not anymore.

"Maybe I am. But I can't stay away from you. I'm in love with you."

When it finally spills out of him, he feels like an idiot for not saying it sooner because he can see Mo finally uncoil a little. 

He is finally looking him in the eye. 

"I love you too."

Mo is kissing him seconds later. A soft inquisitive peck, shy.

Finally he is kissing back, moving against him like he's afraid the other man will disappear in the soft wisps of Orpheus's call. Instead he's there second after second leaning into him taking every loving motion in stride. 

They tumble against each other in waves of limbs, long and uncoordinated. 

It's their first time and it is a desperate affair that is over entirely too soon, with cum spilling messily between them. 

Afterwards, when they lay on the couch half hanging off and tangled between each other He Tian will find himself counting soft breaths as Mo sleeps. 

A pattern of slumber, a calming arithmetic. 


End file.
